Being a mom comes with about 5,000 truckloads of guilt - on a good day. Today was no exception. I was trying to actually accomplish a task while the two girls played blissfully with their toys. Atleast that was the plan. I try not to get frustrated, but sometimes it's so unbelieveably hard not to. Cecelia was being "all right", but Delaney would not stop crying and screaming and getting in to things all because she wasn't stuck to my body. I feel that, at this age, she should be able to play for an hour or so with her sister while I get some things done around the house. Today I was going through my closet throwing out old clothes and changing out the seasonal ones. I got to the point where I had to go out on to the porch - by myself - and take five. I could still hear Delaney's muffled cries but the separation was necessary. On the one hand I was looking out in to the sunny blue sky and reminding myself how much I love the girls and how they are such blessings and that it wouldn't kill me to stop what I was doing and pay some more attention to them. But on the other hand (and this is the touch thing to admit) I was thinking how much easier it would have been to go through the closet if - gulp - the girls just weren't in the house.
Some of you new moms may find this deplorable, some working moms may sympathize, but you stay at home moms get it 100%.
I'll be beating myself up over my bad thoughts when I lay my head down tonight to thank God for another day with my babies.
I guess if I didn't have a bad day here or there I just wouldn't be human.
I hope you are all having a non-stressful, non-frustrating Monday.
4 comments:
Wow I felt the guilt just being with my kids for 10 minutes. Ryan had already smarted off one too many times, Olivia was screaming, and Kate was her usual nice self. I felt horribly that I lost my cool after being gone all day. But I was tired, stressed, hungry, and was ready to take my 'teacher game face' off.
The point is, is that being a parent is SO DANG HARD. If they say it's easy they are liars!
Without a doubt you are an amazing mom.
Thanks for your note on my blog. I think every mother is working her tail off. If you work outside of the home, you have an element of stress. If you are home with your children all day, there is a big element of stress. No side is better than the other....but I think it's definitely best for kids to be raised by their own family if at all posssible.
I am envious that you get to do it!
I totally understand what you're staying AJ and applaud you for giving yourself those minutes outside. According to super nanny if you needed a time out you could take what? 30 minutes : )
Seriously though, I think life is all about balance and we really learn that with having kids. I can't even imagine what it will be like when my lady can talk back to me!
XO
B.
AJ: I read your second note on my blog. I totally understand where you are coming from. Don't worry about that!
How cool that we have gone from throwing play-dough at each other to this....
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