Cecelia, You're Breakin' My Heart

Cecelia had her first day of pre-school yesterday. I was fine, totally fine. She went in the classroom, no problem. However, during the parent orientation that we had simultaneously with the class, one of the moms read a book she'd published titled "I Love You So..."

I, literally, was biting my lip trying not to go in to the ugly cry. I mean, all of a sudden these thoughts of I hope she knows how much I love her, even if I'm upset sometimes and This is the begininning of her not needing me anymore! popped in to my head.

The thing about Cecelia is that she is me. She is so much like me. Her and I will always have that passionate relationship that you have with someone who's just like you. Man do I love that kid.

So, last night when she asked if she could come lay with me in my bed (despite the fact I vehemently told myself no more of that because she stays up to late and Bill and I get no privacy), I let her.

I realized that as much as it drives me crazy being needed all the time (Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom) I'm also addicted to it.

Tough Things to Admit

Being a mom comes with about 5,000 truckloads of guilt - on a good day. Today was no exception. I was trying to actually accomplish a task while the two girls played blissfully with their toys. Atleast that was the plan. I try not to get frustrated, but sometimes it's so unbelieveably hard not to. Cecelia was being "all right", but Delaney would not stop crying and screaming and getting in to things all because she wasn't stuck to my body. I feel that, at this age, she should be able to play for an hour or so with her sister while I get some things done around the house. Today I was going through my closet throwing out old clothes and changing out the seasonal ones. I got to the point where I had to go out on to the porch - by myself - and take five. I could still hear Delaney's muffled cries but the separation was necessary. On the one hand I was looking out in to the sunny blue sky and reminding myself how much I love the girls and how they are such blessings and that it wouldn't kill me to stop what I was doing and pay some more attention to them. But on the other hand (and this is the touch thing to admit) I was thinking how much easier it would have been to go through the closet if - gulp - the girls just weren't in the house.
Some of you new moms may find this deplorable, some working moms may sympathize, but you stay at home moms get it 100%.
I'll be beating myself up over my bad thoughts when I lay my head down tonight to thank God for another day with my babies.
I guess if I didn't have a bad day here or there I just wouldn't be human.
I hope you are all having a non-stressful, non-frustrating Monday.

Goofball Central

I have NO idea why my kids are such goofballs. I am such the opposite...mature, quiet, sensible and modest.

Anyway, here's some more pictures from this summer. We did the State Fair (I actually went twice). The girls loved it - especially Cecelia. The Little Hands Farm was her favorite and there are some cute pictures from that.

It's hard to believe that Cecelia is starting pre-school next week. I will probably cry. I've been taking care of CeCe since birth and have never had to leave her somewhere with people I don't know. I love the church she'll be at and I know it will be SO good for her (and probably for me too.)

I guess this all means summer is coming to an end. I'm okay with being in denial over that.

Just A Couple Things...

I haven't even had my morning coffee but there are a couple things I wanted to say this morning. First of which is to thank you all for being so kind to me and making such nice and complimentary comments on my blog. It's been a stressful few days (weeks, maybe?) so reading your comments brightens my day - even if I do feel quite undeserving most of the time.
Also, don't forget to link on to other blogs. The two on my site are brilliant and for those moms out there if you link on to Barbara and Nathan's and link on to Sarah Green's you can scroll down to read a beautiful letter she wrote to her future adult daughter. Some people are SO good with words!!!

Does A Zebra Ever Really Change It's Stripes?

As I enter in to my 30's (Okay! So I've already "entered") with two children and a husband I sometimes find myself asking that question we're all familiar with: Have I changed?
For anyone who knows me it is no secret that I really, really lived it up in my young adulthood. And I mean really. For me, in many ways I feel like I have had more than one life. There was that party girl who feared nothing and then this mature woman who emerged wanting to have children and grow a family. I have friends who went the other direction in the proverbial fork in the road. These are the people I live that WHAT IF through. Because I am married now and a mother does that mean I have changed or just that I made different choices?
Life has been really, really good to me and I am so grateful for the experiences that I have had so far. But, am I the only person that occasionally wonders what would have happened if I hadn't made the choices that brought me to where I am now? I guess some of you will tell me it is fate, others will say coincidence and free will. I guess I will never know.
Bottom line, I still feel the same, but am I?

Those Moments of ...

still.
If you've ever experienced a moment in time where everything just seems eerily still, then you know how I felt yesterday after hearing news of the collapsed bridge. This bridge that Bill used to drive home from work on every single day. This bridge that I drive on with regularity. I wish I could understand why these things have to happen.
The good news is that there are loads of people who actually survived this tragedy and are here to share their story. The devastation of the lives lost is almost too much to bear.
There was a school bus on that bridge. They all survived. Think how tight their mothers held them when they came home.
Give your loved ones that extra little squeeze and thank God for another day. As I've said before, that's all we really ever get.
Thank God for all of you who are safe and well and who I love whole heartedly.

How Is It August Already?!?

Here we've got Cecelia in her 80's get-up and Delaney playing with the bucket. We've got the girls at Como Zoo. You can see how tentative Delaney is about getting on the merry-go-round. There are a couple "before" shots, but as you can see she enjoyed it once we were on. There's a random shot of Cece in the pool and then a couple pics of the animals - including a choice shot of the gorilla's butt. Lastly, some pics of Marilyn's kids Amie and Jon (w/ Kacie) entertaining the girls at the cabin. And, of course, CeCe and Harry picnicing in the porch after playing out back.

Enjoy!!