The Love Runneth Over

When Cecelia was born I was in shock - total shock. To be perfectly honest I couldn't believe she was mine. I would look at her and think "that can't be my baby, I don't have a baby." Every minute of her little life I fell more and more in love with her. By the time we got her home I was addicted. Obsessed. For two and a half years it was all about Cecelia. She was the center of our universe. The love we had for her was crazy. I would lay awake in bed at night

worrying - about everything. I still do. The love for a child will almost make you feel sick. It's almost like there's just too much and you don't know what to do with yourself.

So, when we found out we were pregnant again I wondered where I was going to come up with more love since my entire body see

med to be filled already. The answer came easy once Delaney entered our lives. The love was already there, pouring out of me as almost a relief to my system! In some ways I feel like the pressure has been lifted off of my heart. I have two facets now to give to and it feels really, really good.

We don't know how many children God has for us, but I know for sure that we have enough love to go around.

I Love You, Good-Bye

We had to let our girl go last night. These pictures are from yesterday afternoon. I am still sort of confused that she's gone. Last night was, by far, one of the most devastating things I have ever had to do. Yes, I have suffered greater losses, but I have never had to choose to let someone go.

This beautiful baby of mine fought like hell, and we did everything we could for her. Her body simply betrayed her. We came to find out that in less than two weeks she had dropped yet another four pounds. She was unable to walk and Bill, my Saint, carried her around in a blanket like a baby so she could go outside or get some food and water.

I feel blessed that I got to be there for her and her passing was very serene and quick. I held her in my arms and let her lay her soft furry head in my lap. It is the greatest and last show of love I gave to her. I miss her already and will struggle for a while, I assume. Thank you all for understanding that she was not "just a dog", but a true companion who was my biggest fan, and I hers.

A Day in the Life

7:00a.m.: Here we go.....

Get Delaney changed, give her the bottle, Cecelia jumps in bed, change her as well. Make sure the gate is locked before letting Laney down on the floor, turn on Disney Channel for CeCe. Start the coffee. Take shower at mock speed, constantly peering out the door to make sure no one is strangling themselves or eachother. Brush teeth, moisturize, hair, make-up, get dressed all while keeping Laney off the toilet, out of the drawers, off of the toilet paper, off of the tub which is slippery from the shower and could be very dangerous. Get CeCe breakfast, Delaney breakfast. Drink lots of coffee. Get everybody dressed. Someone will poop. Change that person. Do last minute cleaning before daycare kids arrive. Playtime, play-doh, coloring, snack time - all while either holding Laney in one arm or redircting her from heading towards those dang cords again. Keep toddlers from killing eachother while giving Delaney a bottle and putting her down for a nap. Entertain toddlers. Make lunch, wash hands, clean up lunch. Change diapers, read story, NAP TIME!!! Referee toddlers until everyone is quiet. Make something to eat, throw in a load of laundry, make some phone calls. Laney wakes up. Change diaper, feed lunch, play on the floor. Toddlers are up. Change more diapers, wash hands, snack time, PICK-UP!!! Clean kitchen, put toys away, rotate toys around Laney to keep her occupied, resist putting in a movie for CeCe who has asked five billion times to wach one, BILL'S HOME!!! Bath time, dinner time, jammies, diapers, bottle, Laney in bed. Play time with Cecelia, bed time. Whew. Until Laney wakes up because she's getting teeth........................

Haley Update

We brought our old girl in to the vet on Saturday, but didn't come away with a whole lot of answers. Bill and I decided to forgo the blood work and x-rays because the vet seemed fairly sure that she has some sort of tumor.
So, where does that leave us? Well, we are working on re-house training her and also continuing with the canned dog food to see if we can get her to gain weight. She dropped from over 60 lbs. this spring down to 47 lbs. on Sat.
We will moniter her over the next couple of weeks and see if her health and over all condition improves.

The "Aunts"

Before you have children children, your dogs are your children. We have two. Two big ones. Big everything. Big lovers, big wagging tails, big kisses, big loyal companions and also, big pains in our neck. I can't imagine life without them.

I admit, they have become second class citizens in our home ever since Cecelia came in to our lives. My lap, which once held a 70lb dog, now prefers to be dog hair free for the actual children in our home.

Having said this, they are still a part of our family and we love them dearly.

My german shepherd, Haley, has always been my problem child. I've had her for nearly 10 years and she's had more visits to the vet than I care to remember. I have probably spent thousands of dollars fixing broken nails, eyes, ears, etc. The poor dog even had to wear a cone around her head - on more than one occasion. But, you grind your teeth, take care of it, and move on.

Now, in just the past few months she seems to have aged another 10 years. Her body is paper thin, she can't hear a thing and she can't seem to make it outside before her bladder gives out. This has been a source of deep sadness for me in the last few weeks. How can one decide when the quality of life for a beloved family member is not good enough??

Haley will go in to see the vet on Saturday morning. Of course, my power of positive thinking and hope is that we can beef her up and figure out a way to add a few more years to her life. The worst possible case scenerio is that she is deteriorating and simply will not get better.

So please, send a little prayer up to doggie heaven for my baby born in my heart. It's going to be a trying time for us.

Moving On

It's taken me almost an entire week to remember how to log myself back on to my own blog. But, here I am!
I'm here today for just a little "Weekend Update". The day to day stuff around here can get pretty mundane but there were a few highlights of the weekend. Generally, most of the stuff you'll read from me will be about the girls because, let's face it, nobody really cares about me going to the DMV or Bill going to buy more diapers.
We received the TMX Elmo doll from Bill's uncle Dave. The little guy is out of control and I almost think Bill and I get more of a kick out of him than anyone. So, you tickle him and he cracks up, right? Cecelia thinks he's pretty cool and I think a part of her thinks he's real because the other day she was tickling him and he says 'do it again' so she does. Well, after a few tickles he says to her 'do it again' and she sits back, sighs, rolls her eyes and says O-kay Elmo! As if it was the biggest chore in her life to have to tickle Elmo again. We thought it was pretty funny.
As most of you know a toddler simply cannot be left alone for any length of time without getting in to some sort of mischief. Yesterday morning was no exception. In the time it took me to feed Delaney, Cecelia managed to scoop water out of the toilet with her favorite cup and pour it into the garbage can. Then, take the baby wash and do me the favor of 'cleaning' my bathroom floor.
As for Delaney, well, she was less trouble - thank goodness. She does take after her sister a bit, we noticed. She'll start crawling for the cords coming out of the wall and as soon as she hears her name in that cautionary/warning tone - you know the one - she takes off at full speed just waiting for someone to grab her. This can be really fun for atleast 500+ attempts.
Anyway, we did manage to have some fun with friends and family as well. Bill and I even stayed up past midnight on Friday!!
Hope you all managed to have a little fun as well.

Anything But Boring

I was out with some single friends a few weeks back enjoying the conversation about their exciting trips coming up - skiing in Tahoe, backpacking through Spain, lying on the beach in the Bahamas. There was talk of a brand new BMW. I had little to add to the conversation, but enjoyed the chat about something other than diapers and breastfeeding.

I came home and Bill asked if I had fun. I told him I had, but felt that my life was just so boring. I put on my cut off sweat pants and called it a night.

Over the next couple of days I started to evaluate my life a little bit. Between strained peas and time-outs I saw my life for what it was.

Life, for me, is about watching Cecelia draw pictures of us with eyes, body, hair and all. It's about having her standing next to me in the mirror mimicking every gesture and begging for lipstick too. It's about Delaney crawling, on all fours mind you, across my living room at a mere 7 months old. It's about two naked bodies sharing a bath. It's about the roaring belly laugh that only Cecelia can get Delaney to produce. And at the end of the day it's about a big pair of brown eyes and an even bigger pair of blue eyes growing tired and coming to a close while I watch my baby girls fall asleep.

It's about having Bill come home every night and the comfort of knowing that Mr. Right sleeps right next to me.

If you ask me today about my life I will tell you this, it is anything, but boring.